Childhood

The Past

The past is a piece of me that I have recently come to terms with. For the longest time, I could not publically speak out about my childhood because it was unhappy and abusive. It was something a child should never have to go through. But I have learned we must face our own demons including those from our past, before we can move on because the past makes us who we are today.

I was mentally, physically and verbally abused as a child. It began at the age of seven, shortly after the birth of my brother. It happened regularly and routinely. But that never dulled the pain every time I was beaten. I told no one. I was afraid. I also believed and wanted a loving family badly enough to endure it. I used to cry myself to sleep every night praying that someone would one day rescue me from this horrible nightmare.

The incidents occured less and less often as I grew up. Because of the lack of family and family ties, I grew up with very little friends, and none of whom I can absolutely trust. For the longest time, I felt so hopeless and lonely. At one point I was suicidal. I even ran away from home at eighteen, though my episode only lasted a week.

I learned and saw so many things during that one week. I learned not to blame myself for things outside my control and of no fault of my own. I learned that I can confront my past and make a future from it. At the end of the week, I found the courage to confront my parents and come clean with my feelings. My parents have given me their reason, excuse and apology. I have accepted them but they do not serve as justifications for what I have endured neither will I ever forget it. Forgiveness goes a long way, and I am not sure if I have reached that point.

Adulthood

The Present

Times have changed. It is different now. I am an adult, no longer the child hiding and crying in the corner. I have decided to move on. What happened in the past will always remain in the past, a history of my life. It is a part of who I am today and there is nothing I can do to change the facts. I can only live with knowing that it happened a long time ago and made me a better person. I cannot forget, but I can choose to live with it. I am now living for myself, for the future I envision.